Sucks to your organized sports
After a one-week delay thanks to Hannah, today was Isaac's first day of soccer class.
Like baseball class before it, soccer class is not a league. It exists solely to get little people together on a Saturday to learn about fundamentals and practice them on an individual basis. I painted the rosiest possible picture of baseball while it was happening, but the truth is that, at best, Isaac tried to do it because he thought that would make us happy, and told us exactly that when he was done. It was a source of much argument and frustration, not with Isaac, so much as him with me and Daddy, or with Daddy and I amongst ourselves. A fantastic waste of our precious weekend mental state.
But what should we be doing with the boy? I don't think that just because he's a boy he should play sports. I do think it's important for him to know about them, and how to play them with other kids. We don't play a lot of sports at home; we are not sporty people, either. We are certainly game; both Daddy and I operate on the philosophy of trying everything once. So, shouldn't we encourage Isaac to try, too? Shouldn't we point out how important it is to help out your team, how you should listen to what your coach says, how you should always try to do your best? For baseball, Daddy did these things with Isaac every Saturday morning for 6 weeks, and usually Daddy and Isaac would have an understanding about how he would behave. But whenever I came along, for any session, at some point Isaac would become hysterical with fussing because he did NOT want to do baseball.
Now, when your kid breaks down in front of everyone, and especially around all these other kids who are doing exactly as they ought, what do you do? Should you take him gently aside, speak in loving and understanding tones about duty and character, and then walk him back to where he belongs?
What if he persists in loud tones flecked with gibberish? Should you then be a bit more stern, and perhaps even walk away?
What if your child, the most well-behaved angel boy in the history of the universe, then becomes incoherent, his eyes leaking and his bones suddenly losing their structure? Do you threaten with time-outs to get his attention? And then, when that doesn't work...
You get the picture. It's frustrating, and one can only try to understand what's going on in his head. Always, though, everything starts well. This time, Daddy and Jake left Isaac and I alone at soccer a few minutes early. He and I had a fantastic time running all over the field kicking a ball back and forth, tripping around and stealing it from each other. Even after the fun, when everything became regimented and organized, Isaac behaved perfectly for 20 of the 45 minutes. He's in the blue shirt, doing dribbling drills.
Then, out of nowhere, came the waterworks. I noticed it happened after one of his teachers ignored Isaac when he tried to tell the teacher something for the second time, and then the teacher gave the gentlest of reminders that Isaac should go faster dribbling around a cone so others could take their turns. I can understand, on both sides.
We stuck around for the rest of the lesson and Isaac never calmed down. Daddy and I tried different approaches with him, encouraging, punishing, bribing, and predictably nothing worked. All around us, other kids were just puttering along, doing as their coaches asked. We held things up, we drew attention to ourselves. I wondered what people thought.
I'm so sorry to say that only later did it strike me that I hadn't really considered what Isaac needs in all this. I've pushed the sports thing, not him, and not Daddy. I'm so excited that he's old enough to do cool stuff like this that I want to sign him up. I ask him and of course he thinks its sounds cool, but I just don't think the format suits him. I think if the setting was more familiar (like at preschool) or if he had friends of similar ability that he could talk to, things would go over much more smoothly.
But until then, remembering that DUDE IS ONLY FOUR, I have a new game plan. Each Saturday, I will ask if he wants to go to soccer. If he says no, we'll stay home. If he says yes, we'll go. If at any time he gets upset, he can sit out with me on the sideline with no expectation of going back in at all. If he really wants to go home, we'll go home. That's it. I can't believe it's taken me nearly 6 months to realize that Isaac needs to do this on his timeline, not mine.
Like baseball class before it, soccer class is not a league. It exists solely to get little people together on a Saturday to learn about fundamentals and practice them on an individual basis. I painted the rosiest possible picture of baseball while it was happening, but the truth is that, at best, Isaac tried to do it because he thought that would make us happy, and told us exactly that when he was done. It was a source of much argument and frustration, not with Isaac, so much as him with me and Daddy, or with Daddy and I amongst ourselves. A fantastic waste of our precious weekend mental state.
But what should we be doing with the boy? I don't think that just because he's a boy he should play sports. I do think it's important for him to know about them, and how to play them with other kids. We don't play a lot of sports at home; we are not sporty people, either. We are certainly game; both Daddy and I operate on the philosophy of trying everything once. So, shouldn't we encourage Isaac to try, too? Shouldn't we point out how important it is to help out your team, how you should listen to what your coach says, how you should always try to do your best? For baseball, Daddy did these things with Isaac every Saturday morning for 6 weeks, and usually Daddy and Isaac would have an understanding about how he would behave. But whenever I came along, for any session, at some point Isaac would become hysterical with fussing because he did NOT want to do baseball.
Now, when your kid breaks down in front of everyone, and especially around all these other kids who are doing exactly as they ought, what do you do? Should you take him gently aside, speak in loving and understanding tones about duty and character, and then walk him back to where he belongs?
What if he persists in loud tones flecked with gibberish? Should you then be a bit more stern, and perhaps even walk away?
What if your child, the most well-behaved angel boy in the history of the universe, then becomes incoherent, his eyes leaking and his bones suddenly losing their structure? Do you threaten with time-outs to get his attention? And then, when that doesn't work...
You get the picture. It's frustrating, and one can only try to understand what's going on in his head. Always, though, everything starts well. This time, Daddy and Jake left Isaac and I alone at soccer a few minutes early. He and I had a fantastic time running all over the field kicking a ball back and forth, tripping around and stealing it from each other. Even after the fun, when everything became regimented and organized, Isaac behaved perfectly for 20 of the 45 minutes. He's in the blue shirt, doing dribbling drills.
Then, out of nowhere, came the waterworks. I noticed it happened after one of his teachers ignored Isaac when he tried to tell the teacher something for the second time, and then the teacher gave the gentlest of reminders that Isaac should go faster dribbling around a cone so others could take their turns. I can understand, on both sides.
We stuck around for the rest of the lesson and Isaac never calmed down. Daddy and I tried different approaches with him, encouraging, punishing, bribing, and predictably nothing worked. All around us, other kids were just puttering along, doing as their coaches asked. We held things up, we drew attention to ourselves. I wondered what people thought.
I'm so sorry to say that only later did it strike me that I hadn't really considered what Isaac needs in all this. I've pushed the sports thing, not him, and not Daddy. I'm so excited that he's old enough to do cool stuff like this that I want to sign him up. I ask him and of course he thinks its sounds cool, but I just don't think the format suits him. I think if the setting was more familiar (like at preschool) or if he had friends of similar ability that he could talk to, things would go over much more smoothly.
But until then, remembering that DUDE IS ONLY FOUR, I have a new game plan. Each Saturday, I will ask if he wants to go to soccer. If he says no, we'll stay home. If he says yes, we'll go. If at any time he gets upset, he can sit out with me on the sideline with no expectation of going back in at all. If he really wants to go home, we'll go home. That's it. I can't believe it's taken me nearly 6 months to realize that Isaac needs to do this on his timeline, not mine.
posted by Claire at 11:28 PM
6 Comments:
Claire,
So it took you 6 months to come to an "understanding". That's what make parenting such a challenge- the instruction manuals just don't cover every situation! Before you sign him up for bitty basketball(as a Hoosier spawn, it will be unavoidable) maybe you and he can go and watch this session and just wait until next session to sign up. Just because your head reaches the line on the wall that says you're old enough to ride doesn't mean you have to go on the ride today.
I think our first borns are really one in the same, except for you are lucky to have one who wants to go to preschool...not me. We had the same.exact.thing. for the first two practices and the first game! I went through everything, being gentle, being tough, ignoring...and I was sooo frustrated. I refuse to bribe him for soccer (as I openly admit to bribing him for school). The other night, he did happen to have a tear-free night...but I knew if someone so much looked at him crooked, he was going to lose it. My one friend has a "highly sensitive child" and she said he was the same - but he loves golf. Yes, golf! B/c it lacks that non-stop running around while everyone stares at you effect AND it doesn't seem as competitive. I don't know. I might see if Jake wants to try it. In the meantime, I told him he has to finish out soccer, since HE wanted to sign up...even if it means he is sitting on the sidelines chearing for his team. GOOD LUCK!
And to you, too, twinkletoes. ;) Sigh.
Thanks :) He's already telling me tonight that he doesn't want to go to soccer ever, ever again (tomorrow) because "it's not fun anymore!" With his tears, I have a hard time thinking he EVER thought it was fun!!!
~Lynn/PA
Hey Lynn! If it makes you feel better, we did NOT go to soccer today. I asked him and he said he didn't want to. So instead Jake and I kicked the soccer ball around the backyard for a half hour and had a blast.
I feel as if I could have written this post. If we lived in the same town you would have another parent to commiserate with, I assure you. Tee-ball was a big fat bust, and I quit taking L before the "season" ended. Soccer last year was not much better as my child stood in the middle of the game and sobbed when the other team took the ball away.
This season I decided that I was done with the Y and their pandemonium and switched to the city league. 6 kids per team, an experienced coach...wow. The difference is amazing. My son just does better when a situation is calm and controlled and we are closer to that now... I don't see him being an athlete in the sense that he will play high school baseball, but I want my kids to love physical activity. I don't push, and soon I hope to start them running/walking with me...may be let them choose between these sports and tennis or golf... like you we are not sporty, so just whatever they want to do that keeps them moving.
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