The elfing macarena

The O'Neals go elf! Click here for some Christmas-themed internet fun. Dada can have fun with this one in his hotel room in Virginia tonight, knowing that his nearly fell out of their chairs laughing when we were done making it together.

Beware the mature trees in your yard

Last Sunday my husband bought me a leaf blower. That same day, the babies and I mocked him in the carpet of beautiful rainbowed maple leaves on the front lawn.



Eventually the color of those gorgeous leaves drained out into the yucky muddy grass, and suddenly our yard was no longer a place of fairy tales, now being filled with a serious volume of doodoo brown-looking crunchy stuff.

It was then that I thanked the good lord for my darling leaf blower, and like Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor before me, I showed those nasty leaves who was boss and blew them down to the street, saying "Augh Argh Augh" all the way like some wild creature happily choking on the bones of its enemy. And today the delightful dudes from the city came with their massive vacuum mulcher and recycled them for me. See you next year, Leaf Blower.

Not suited for a career in negotiation

Every night at dinner, it's the same old conversation. Isaac, looking at a plate of untouched food, wonders aloud, "Can I get down now?" I've resorted to a bargaining system. If he has a goal, his dinner no longer looks insurmountable. "Eat three bites of grilled cheese and four apple slices. Then you can get down."

From tonight's dinner table...
Isaac: Can I get down now?
Mommy: You haven't eaten any green beans.
Isaac: But look, I ate LOTS of my grilled cheese!
Mommy: Yes. But you need to eat, um, five green beans. Then you can get down.
Isaac: No, mommy, I can only eat six green beans, because my teeth are so little.

---

And an unrelated Isaac funny, from the bathtub last night. I was paying no attention at all, perched on my nearby mommy seat, elbow deep in the latest issue of Martha Stewart Living, when Isaac shouts out, "Mommy, my wee-wee is falling off!" "WHAT?!?!" screamed I, falling off my perch. He rolled his eyes at me. Stupid mommy. "I was JUST JOKING, Mommy."

---

I'm sorry, I know Isaac has better funnies than these, but it's all I can do to remember a few at 10:30 after a glass of wine.

All snug in our own little beds

I have blogged occasionally about Jacob and his dysfunctional sleep, but for the most part it doesn't seem important to talk about. This is mainly because it is old news. I went through the not-sleeping thing with Isaac, who I think slept through the night a grand total of 5 times before he was 22 months old.

When we were nursing, I'd fetch him out of his crib and take him into bed with me so we could all get some sleep. This pretty much meant I either kicked Daddy out of the bed, or that I slept in the guest bed in Isaac's room. When we moved to Delaware, Isaac decided he couldn't fall asleep in his bed. He'd only fall asleep in someone's arms, so one of us would lay with him on the couch, watching TV, until he had passed out cold. Then we would hold our collective breath during the transfer to his bed. Eventually I figured out that he would fall asleep in his own bed only if I sat in the rocking chair in his room while he did so. If I so much as made a motion out of the room before he was sound asleep, we'd have to start all over again. And then when he'd wake up in the night I'd bring him into the big-people bed and show Daddy to his honored place on the couch.

Somehow, magically, just before his 2nd birthday and the arrival of his little brother, someone flipped a switch up in heaven and Isaac fell asleep on his own, in his bed, and slept there all night long. He's been that way ever since.

Enter the Jake, who I prayed would be the good sleeper I so deserved. He turned out to be worse than his brother in this respect, if that is at all possible. Never had we been able to put him in his crib and just leave without much wailing and gnashing of teeth. Even since he'd been weaned, he woke up every night at least once. Usually I would bring him in bed with me and he would fall back asleep before his head hit the pillow, the turd. If I didn't take him with me, but tried to put him asleep in some other way, such as our couch-TV method, he'd wake up again and again until he'd find himself in bed with me. Out of need of sleep, then, Dada was again relegated to the couch, this time in the basement.

You can do the math here perhaps, figuring out that lately I was wasting an hour of my night every night in front of the TV waiting for Jacob to fall asleep. Combine that with the fact that Dada and I had not shared a bed probably over 99% of the nights since Isaac was born. That's over 3-1/2 years ago. Like all great success stories in parenting history, this one begins with a cold, crystallizing moment where you realize that you've worked yourself into a rut of coddling and convenience that you just can't stand to live in anymore.

So about a month ago I decided one night to let Jacob scream himself to sleep at bedtime. It worked astonishingly well; the first night it only took him a half-hour, and the second night he just snuggled up with the pillow in his crib and knocked himself out with no tears at all. When he would inevitably wake in the night, I'd pick him up and take him in bed with me as usual, unwilling to ruin everyone's night of sleep for now. But it was an important start.

Our real break came while Mamaw and Dadaw were here. I gave them the grown-up bed and slept on the daybed in Jacob's room. When he'd wake in the night this time, I noticed that it was exclusively because he'd kicked off his blankets. I'd get up, tuck him back in, and he'd fall right back to sleep in his crib, never caring to get out to be with me. It was luscious.

We wasted no time in putting this new knowledge to use, and I am therefore pleased to announce that In the two nights since Mamaw and Dadaw left, everyone has slept in their own beds for the whole night, for the first time in the entirety of our childrearing experience. Isaac, as always, sleeps in his bed. Jacob wakes up once in the night, I rearrange the covers over him, and he goes back to sleep in his crib until the morning. And Dada finally joins me back in the grown-up bed where he belongs. Can you believe it? Like a proper family we are! And it only took 3-1/2 years.

If this isn't a rallying cry for NO MORE BABIES, I don't know what is. Let it stay like this, please, at least until somebody gets an ear infection this winter.

Oh Boy Scout Tree

This will be Isaac's fourth Christmas, and we have gotten Christmas trees for two of those, both here in Newark. Last time, we had good luck (and good community karma) buying our tree from a local boy scout troop that sets up shop in a grassy lot less than a mile from our house. Yesterday, with it being officially Christmas season now, we took advantage of our visiting babysitters and their Big Purple Van to help out the scouts once more.




How many O'Neal boys does it take to put up a Christmas tree?



Once Isaac and Jacob found out they couldn't touch any of those shiny things going on the tree -- what a bummer! -- it became much more fun to play in the box from whence the shiny things came.



I did get to have my fun showing them our special ornaments and telling them the stories behind them.



Here, I'm holding up a star with a baby's head dressed up for winter. We have two of these; they each have one of the boys' names written in red on the star. Mamaw gave us these for Christmas last year. Isaac is holding a red airplane ornament, the ornament he picked out for our tree two years ago. It's my plan to make a tradition for the boys out of this -- every year, each of them picks out a special new ornament to add to our tree.

Just in case you were yearning to learn more about the great diseases of history

Last year I wrote my first book, a brief historical account of the influenza pandemic of 1918 aimed at 2nd and 3rd graders who love writing book reports about people with magnificent amounts of phlegm. And now it is published! Just in time for the holiday season, you too can disgust your friends and neighbors with the gory details of plague-style influenza before modern medicine. It will totally make you want a flu shot.

This holiday season, we bring you...Mamaw and Dadaw!

Braving the horrific seasonal traffic between Indianapolis and here, Mamaw and Dadaw arrived Tuesday night to celebrate Thanksgiving with little ole us. Let me tell you, the party here is so hot that the boys haven't been to bed before 10 since.

Also hot has been the outstanding weather, which allowed us to spend the pre-nap afternoon at the park yesterday and gave Mamaw and myself ample little-boy photo ops.

Dadaw is much braver than me, and he took the liberty of introducing the boys to the concept of actually going down to the creek we pass by on the way, instead of just throwing sticks into it from the bridge.





Silly Dadaw, wearing himself out trying to keep that Jake from soaking himself and others with the creek water. It's a good thing he had a band of willing slaves nearby to help him take a load off.



As for the Jake, the splashing, the pulling Dadaw, and the eventual falling out of the wagon hisself made our favorite squish-faced gentleman a little grumpy and in need of a serious cuddle.



We ended yesterday with a trip to Applebee's and the toy store, where Mamaw and Dadaw watched the babies so Daddy and I could do some Christmas shopping. Then later, Mamaw bathed the little people and Daddy and I escaped on a 20-minute coffee date!

Viva Mamaw and Dadaw!

We are thankful for fussing

Today Isaac's class gave us dinner and a show in honor of Thanksgiving. First the kids paraded in front of us wearing handmade native headdresses before serenading us with beautiful songs and poems they had learned. Well, perhaps some of the kids did. When it comes to my kid and I say "serenading," I mean "making an unholy fuss, with help from his curious brother." There was so much screaming and fighting between Jacob and Isaac (and absolutely no one else in the entire room) that at one point we actually held up the start of a song until they could SHUT UP. I tried my best to record this awesome moment in parenting history; what you get is a video pieced together from three videos. Each fade-out represents where I had to stop recording to intervene.



After that delightful display, we were all invited back to the classroom for a Thanksgiving Feast, AKA preschooler-prepared snack buffet.




With their mouths full of cookies, they could finally behave.

Mommy say, monkey do

Both of my boys are some TALKERS. They take after their father.

But perhaps unfortunately, some of what they imitate comes out of my mouth. Some of my favorites:

Isaac, sitting alone before Dada's unholy large Mac Cinema Display, finds himself occasionally unable to color the teeniest of tiny lines on an online Lightning McQueen coloring game. After a few futile clicks, he will scream at the mouse: "Come ON, stinky computer!"

Outside, at the car. It's time to go. I say, "Isaac, come over here NOW so I can put you in your seat." With a theatrical exasperated huff and an eye roll, he replies, "Whatever."

Jacob's favorite thing to imitate is the delight I take in shouting across the house unnecessarily. Last night I checked on a lasagna as it set and cooled. "I think it's ready now," I said quietly to Jacob as he sat perched on my hip. Taking his cue, he then screamed "DINNER READY!" so the whole house could know.

At the breakfast table, the three of us were eating while Daddy enjoyed some well-deserved extra sleep in the basement. Jacob noticed that someone vital was missing. "Where Daddy-uh?" he said. I told him. "He's downstairs sleeping." No way, thought the Jake. "DADDY-UH!" he yelled. " 'MERE!"

To my boys in 12 years, I say, "You made me do it."

If I could give the crazy weather around here a voice, it would probably say something like this:

Hmmmm. What shall I do today? Shall I be cold, so cold that one requires the full-blown winterized coat-hat-gloves ensemble today? It was 60 degrees yesterday, but I'm in the mood for a cold snap. Especially since I see that Claire and her boys are out and about in only hoodies.

Two weeks ago I finally dragged the heavy winter gear out of the basement and sorted through it. As always, we are prepared for Isaac's and Jacob's winter outerwear wardrobe thanks to our steady stream of hand-me-downs, Jacob from Isaac, and Isaac dipping into the rich pile of AnthonyCarlos originals. As I pulled coat after coat out of storage, two fleece snowboarder hats fell out and the boys snatched them up and loved them immediately. There was, however, one major problem: one was yellow and one was blue. NO RED.

"Mommy, I need a red snowboarder guy hat. Let's go buy one."
"Those are from last year, honey. I don't think they make them anymore."
"Well.... can you make me one?"
"Um... well... I could make you a red hat. Not with a snowboarder guy on it, but yes, I could make you a red hat."
"A RED HAT! YAY!"

I am sorry to say that I do not know how to knit. I do, however, know how to crochet, that outmoded grandma art best used for making afghans, doilies, and other lacy things that do not scream MANLY LITTLE BOY. However, I thought I might try to entertain them with the process. The next day we were grocery shopping at the Super Walmart and I drove them over to the yarn section. They each picked out a skein of yarn in the loudest, most obnoxious shade of their favorite colors. And four days later, they each had their hats.





They will look back on this time when they are teenagers and bury their embarrassed, acne-d faces in their hands in the shame, the shame! that their mommy let them walk around town in such dorky hats. However, I am mightily pleased because they turned out less girly than I thought. They are hellaciously warm. And perhaps best of all, my boys ask to wear them.

To those who care (whose number is probably one. Hi Mom!), I couldn't find any crochet hooks around my house smaller than an "N". To eliminate the holey-ness that would result from my usual pattern of a continuous round of single crochet, I used exclusively double-crochet-through-the-post throughout. In the end, I think it achieves a rather pleasant knit-like effect. And turns me into a total homemaker.

Shaking his moneymaker here, there, and everywhere

Our resident workaholic Dada made the university's front page AGAIN. This particular news story showcases a line of research that is entirely different from his last article, because if Dada doesn't have his fingers in about nine different kinds of pie at a time he is bored. Because he is five years old.

In this case he dips into Delaware's most venerable piggy bank, that of the DuPont corporation. In the early days of chemical manufacture they seriously contaminated a particular river with a sizeable quantity of mercury. They have asked Dada and a fantastic gentleman from the Geology department to help them determine the scope of the problem. Out of this project, Dada gets a bunch of research dollars and a Master's thesis for one of his grad students. He also gets to hang out in the Shenandoah National Forest from time to time and eat steak on DuPont's dollar when he goes there. And he deserves it, our busy little breadwinner.

We love you, Dada!

"F" week for the G-rated set

Each week or thereabouts, Isaac's preschool teachers pick a letter of the alphabet (not necessarily in order) to guide their classroom goings-on. They make a big deal out of the written letters, dedicating a small art project each week to the symbols themselves, where the teachers draw a line of glue atop a capital letter and a lower-case letter, and then the kids arrange letter-appropriate items on the glue. For example, "P" week was in October, just in time for the appearance of Halloween pumpkins.



Apparently Miss Susie and Miss Barbara are also trying to push a little phonics down the little people's throats. During "P" week Isaac came home with a mysterious chant of "P! Purple! PUH!" that I didn't understand until "L" week rolled around and we were presented with another enthusiastic chant of "L! Leaf! LLLLLLllllll."

This week is "F" week. Lots of our "f"avorite words "f"all under its jurisdiction! And then there are other words, like "f"eathers,



and "f"all,



and, just in time for Thanksgiving, "f"amily and "f"ood. To celebrate the holiday, and the letter "F", their class is putting on a "f"east, AKA preschooler-prepared snack buffet, to share with the parents and siblings on Tuesday after class. How "f"un!

Today the teachers began prepping the kids for the upcoming holiday, in part, by going around the circle-time circle and asking each what he or she was thankful for. Miss Susie wrote all their responses down on a big "f"estive turkey to hang up on the wall.

She also gave me a "f"irst-hand account of what went down in the circle. Some kids said "dinosaurs" or "trains" or "bedtime stories". When asked what he was thankful for, Isaac said "my little brother." However, Miss Susie and Miss Barbara were looking for variety, and since another kid had already been thankful for brothers, they prompted Isaac to think of another thing he could be thankful for. Without a second's hesitation, he said, "Crayons!" And truly, where would we be without those?

Gimme gimme gimme

It's that time of year, the time to take the babies to the toy store to see where their true passion lies for the inevitable Christmas windfall. We did this last night, and it is my solemn duty to report the results for the grand total of about six of our readers who are genetically required to shop for them. This list is intended to illuminate and guide, and never to restrict the wild imaginations of the grandmas and grandpas. Hopefully we also inspire other mommies and daddies who are caught in a brain-fart about what to get their toddler or preschooler this holiday season.

So without further adieu, I give you a general idea of what the young people of my household want for Christmas!

Isaac would like:
* Playsets, such as but not limited to these from Playmobil:
- a farm
- this police station
- a helicopter
- an airplane
* RC the race car from Toy Story
* a stuffed puppy in a carrier, like this one
* a trumpet!
* a View Master
* Fisher-Price clock
* Anything space-oriented (astronauts, spaceships, planets)
*I Spy books

*Isaac needs clothes, especially l/s shirts and jeans. He wears a 4T and has a violently strong preference for red in his shirts.

Jacob is difficult to shop for because he doesn't yet discriminate between toys that he would or would not like to have. Also, he would be happy with anything in Isaac's list. But perhaps specifically Jacob would like:
*a See-n-Say
* a lock box
* to pretend he's an airplane!
* a beanbag toss game
* a plastic golf club set
* any toy/playset that allows him to throw, kick, or hit a ball.
* books or things to color involving Disney or Thomas characters
* Cars playsets

For both:
*Dress up sets or costumes
- these from Imaginarium are on sale
- this site has lots
- this site has more detailed costumes
* A small kitchen, play cookware, and/or lots of play food. They enjoy making each other lunch. This kitchen is only $99.
*Preschool games, like Cootie, etc.
*Puzzles
- like these pattern puzzles
- non-beginner peg puzzles for the Jake, like this one or similar
- 24- 48 piece puzzles for Isaac. We particularly like this style by Melissa and Doug (we have the jungle one)
*Activity books to color or sticker; flash cards or card games, especially with their favorite characters on them
*Art supplies
- a stamp set like this one
*Books to read: Curious George, Sandra Boynton, or classic fairy tales. We love our Little Golden Books quite literally to pieces.

Happy shopping!

A break

It has been nasty here. Our fair town was ravaged by a sudden cold snap, and meanwhile our family was ravaged by the sniffles. No one has been sleeping well, even at naptime, so I've been a bit too exhausted to do anything but crash on the couch with a warm husband and some Office reruns at the end of the day. I apologize for not blogging, because the world needs more sugary blonde-boy goodness to make it a better place. I should know.





We have also been quite busy with various mind-occupying efforts:

* We're experiencing an uncharacteristically large amount of people tromping through our house; we've had a family of friends over for dinner recently, and are hosting another family for dinner Sunday. With Thanksgiving will come Mamaw and Dadaw, all the way from Indiana. They bring with them untold riches of vegetables and pumpkin pies, as well as four new eyes for baby-watching, bless them.

* While not remodeling our downstairs bathroom to look like something teleported from Starbucks, Dada is giving serious thought to seeking tenure a year early. He has been given the okay to do so, if he wishes to subject himself to such horrors, by his department chair and dean. When not working on at least forty billion completely different papers and teaching a brand-new class, he also entertains the idea of taking the four of us to Austria, and the Canadian Rockies, before the next school year begins. As a "research vacation".

* My third book with my publisher is due at the end of the month, and I am uncharacteristically close to finishing. I blame all of my organization and progress this time around to our new babysitter, Aly. Isaac has informed me that she is "a cool girl". Each week she comes for two hours and kicks me out of the house; Isaac and Jacob could care less whether I come or go anymore, they are so in love with her. So I go to Starbucks and get overcaffeinated and write about horses for 2nd graders.

*Isaac has moved on a bit from his painting obsession, mainly because he runs too quickly out of red. His new favorite way to express himself is in online coloring. He can work the mouse like a pro and especially enjoys coloring Lightning McQueen and the gang over at the Cars site. He has decided that his favorite color is red, and if he can't wear his favorite red Lightning McQueen shirt and his red underpants everyday, life is (VERY LOUDLY) not worth living.

*Jacob only speaks now in mini-sentences of at least two words, such as "Here, Mommy", "Hold it!", "Daddy working", "Isaac going?" He loves to learn qualifiers for his nouns. For example, one of his favorite stuffed critters, a Care Bear, is not "bear" or "teddy bear", but "Sunshine Bear". He likes to qualify with colors, and though his color naming is improving daily, he does enjoy calling everything "yellow". He also eats salad and dislikes cookies, because he is a freak and not a real boy.

Somehow it surprised me that they grew out of all their spring clothes, so we are still working out the kinks with our jackets, tuning our wardrobe to coordinate size and weather simultaneously. Today we had a break from the rain and the cold, and I took the babies outside to splash in some puddles on the sidewalk, that the blog faithful may enjoy their antics.

Hooray for babies!

Aunt Jean just officially announced to the bloggy world that she is pregnant! In June, Isaac and Jacob will have a younger cousin to poke at. I know they will be thrilled, and that we grown-ups are thrilled is an understatement. We here at Those O'Neal Boys are naturally rooting for the triumph of the frank and beans, to help us acheive our dreams of a little boy army to take over Meemaw's house.

I've been talking with Isaac about how she (and others) have babies growing in their tummies. This topic is beyond fascinating to Isaac, who responds by carrying Woody around in his shirt. We haven't enlightened him to the finer details just yet; eventually Woody "hatches" out of Isaac's tummy, accompanied by eggshell-cracking sounds.

Singing! Dancing! Fussing!

After an entire night's worth of uploading, I bring you...

Isaac's preschool show!

Isaac's first public appearance

Before he could be an Incredible for Halloween...


...I witnessed Isaac in what will surely be for him a niche in the years to come. On Tuesday, his preschool put on their first little show for us parents. We came to pick him up 10 minutes early and his class paraded out in their homemade Halloween masks. Then his teachers, Miss Susie (in orange) and Miss Barbara (in brown) led them in singing 1) their traditional welcome song, 2) a clapping song, 3) Five Little Pumpkins, 4) The Apple Tree, and 5) their traditional farewell song. Thank God for gigantic SD cards, because I was able to capture the whole thing with my digital camera. Check it out If you dare to brave 3-1/2 minutes of crazy filmmaking; I had to sit still on a bench next to Jacob the whole time so he wouldn't get any ideas about bolting. You will see the real Isaac in all his goofy and ugly glory behaving, as he does as both a ham and a turkey. He braves both sides of the figurative meat counter.

update 11-3: ALL RIGHT, I took the movie down for now. It is so nasty-big I'm having trouble uploading it onto my hard drive, let alone a video hoster. Things are looking better tonight, so hopefully it'll be on there by tomorrow morning. Sheesh.