Making our bed and not lying in it
In the spirit of full disclosure that has suddenly come upon this blog, I will admit that, for Jacob's entire life, I have nursed him to sleep. Morning naps, afternoon naps, the Big Sleep, night-wakings, every single time when he didn't accidentally fall sleep otherwise (i.e. while in the car, while being held, or, as he did the other day, while sitting bolt upright eating lunch). Coordinating naps between two munchkins is hard; keeping the nonverbal one quiet while the other one is also trying to fall asleep is hard. Wielding a boobie, a mommy can easily force the sleep issue in her favor. It's hard for sleepy-Jake to fuss about sleep when his fusshole is full.
Of course I set myself up for an eventual system breakdown. While we were in Indiana over the holidays, Jacob took the opportunity of our mixed-up sleep schedule to decide that he no longer wished to fall asleep at the boob. I'd go through the exact same motions with him as had worked every time before and he would emerge on the other end of a nursing session not the least bit asleep, but rather kicking against my body and screaming "DA DA DEEEE!" Picture, if you will, a rodeo, where I get to be the cow. I suppose that analogy works in more than one way.
Never before having needed another route to put Jacob down, suddenly we were at a loss. When he is in his special Jakey the Cowboy mode, there is little we could do that worked. We tried rocking him, walking him around, singing to him, or, if we really wanted to tick him off, laying him in his crib. As an interim measure, what I have found that works the best for him is what worked best for his brother at this age -- curling up to watch any kind of TV with his body laying against mine, preferably with his head against the left side of my chest. When we first encountered his sleep resistance, he would only go to sleep to the most monotonous of TV accompanied by gentle rocking motions. How people without TiVo do it, I just don't know. My Jakey-to-sleep time is when I catch up on all the stuff TiVo has found for me to watch, like Sex and the City reruns or House Hunters or Good Eats. Bless you, TiVo.
A girlfriend of mine, however, recently suggested I get him addicted to a lovey, a project I have now undertaken that seems to be paying off. One stuffed animal that has always caught Jacob's interest is a medium-sized bunny Meemaw gave him for Easter last year, which has the necessary lovey qualities of lacking beaded features and being entirely machine washable. All this week, I've given Jakey the bunny to hold each time I nurse him. Today for his nap, he fell asleep clutching the bunny (while nursing). Tonight for the big sleep, I nursed him to drowsiness with the bunny around, but he was able to put himself to sleep in his crib while holding his bunny.
I realize he is old enough that I could try to sleep-train him or whatever, and I have read on other blogs how that has worked for some moms. We flirted with sleep-training for Isaac before I realized that it is not for me. I just don't have the stomach for it. And, as much as I whined incessantly about Isaac's sleep troubles when he was a baby, somehow I don't mind them so much in Jacob. Part of it is that he has an older brother who went through all this fighting-the-sleep and night-waking, and this older brother easily sleeps through the night now. Having been through it once, I know how the story ends.
The largest part of it, I admit, is purely stupid and selfish. It is quite likely that Jacob is my last baby, and I mean to enjoy him. Have you seen his hair? It is so soft, and, since I bathe him before bed, always smells so good when he wakes at night. When he falls unconscious watching TV with me in the stupid hours of night, when there's no one awake in the house but me, when I don't have to worry that I'm neglecting Isaac to be with Jacob... I just want to hold him and feel his squishy-lumped weight on me. I smoosh my face into his soft, wispy hair, and I take a moment to register that he is my baby, that he has inherited my fine, blonde hair. I try to save that feeling somewhere so I can pull it out when he's driving away some evening to go on his first date, to remember that once, long ago, he was entirely mine in the night.
Of course I set myself up for an eventual system breakdown. While we were in Indiana over the holidays, Jacob took the opportunity of our mixed-up sleep schedule to decide that he no longer wished to fall asleep at the boob. I'd go through the exact same motions with him as had worked every time before and he would emerge on the other end of a nursing session not the least bit asleep, but rather kicking against my body and screaming "DA DA DEEEE!" Picture, if you will, a rodeo, where I get to be the cow. I suppose that analogy works in more than one way.
Never before having needed another route to put Jacob down, suddenly we were at a loss. When he is in his special Jakey the Cowboy mode, there is little we could do that worked. We tried rocking him, walking him around, singing to him, or, if we really wanted to tick him off, laying him in his crib. As an interim measure, what I have found that works the best for him is what worked best for his brother at this age -- curling up to watch any kind of TV with his body laying against mine, preferably with his head against the left side of my chest. When we first encountered his sleep resistance, he would only go to sleep to the most monotonous of TV accompanied by gentle rocking motions. How people without TiVo do it, I just don't know. My Jakey-to-sleep time is when I catch up on all the stuff TiVo has found for me to watch, like Sex and the City reruns or House Hunters or Good Eats. Bless you, TiVo.
A girlfriend of mine, however, recently suggested I get him addicted to a lovey, a project I have now undertaken that seems to be paying off. One stuffed animal that has always caught Jacob's interest is a medium-sized bunny Meemaw gave him for Easter last year, which has the necessary lovey qualities of lacking beaded features and being entirely machine washable. All this week, I've given Jakey the bunny to hold each time I nurse him. Today for his nap, he fell asleep clutching the bunny (while nursing). Tonight for the big sleep, I nursed him to drowsiness with the bunny around, but he was able to put himself to sleep in his crib while holding his bunny.
I realize he is old enough that I could try to sleep-train him or whatever, and I have read on other blogs how that has worked for some moms. We flirted with sleep-training for Isaac before I realized that it is not for me. I just don't have the stomach for it. And, as much as I whined incessantly about Isaac's sleep troubles when he was a baby, somehow I don't mind them so much in Jacob. Part of it is that he has an older brother who went through all this fighting-the-sleep and night-waking, and this older brother easily sleeps through the night now. Having been through it once, I know how the story ends.
The largest part of it, I admit, is purely stupid and selfish. It is quite likely that Jacob is my last baby, and I mean to enjoy him. Have you seen his hair? It is so soft, and, since I bathe him before bed, always smells so good when he wakes at night. When he falls unconscious watching TV with me in the stupid hours of night, when there's no one awake in the house but me, when I don't have to worry that I'm neglecting Isaac to be with Jacob... I just want to hold him and feel his squishy-lumped weight on me. I smoosh my face into his soft, wispy hair, and I take a moment to register that he is my baby, that he has inherited my fine, blonde hair. I try to save that feeling somewhere so I can pull it out when he's driving away some evening to go on his first date, to remember that once, long ago, he was entirely mine in the night.
posted by Claire at 12:22 AM
3 Comments:
::Peeking out of my corner:: I too have been all about the nursing to sleep. Partially because Lily shares her room with Ryan and I don't want to deal with him being awakened or not getting to sleep because of her crying. It feels good to know that a great mom like you doesn't do everything by the book(s) either.
don't worry. . .ENJOY that time with Jacob. . .i nursed my kiddos to sleepand enjoyed every minute of it. . .and now that they are 7 1/2, 6, 4 1/2 and almost 3 they each have their own bedtime routine of stories, quiet time and snuggles with mommy or daddy and fall asleep on their own.
Jen, you are so sweet. Thank you, as always, for your kind words. And we face the same problem -- Isaac and Jacob don't share a room, but their rooms are right next to each other and they easily hear each other screaming. I wouldn't want to try to fall asleep with my brother screaming his head off in the next room.
Mommy -- thanks for sharing your experience! It's amazing how, with my first, I always had in my mind that if he didn't sleep through the night RIGHT STINKIN' NOW that he never would. With my second, I don't have those delusions.
Post a Comment
<< Home